So I’ve contemplated making this post for the past two days and I’ve decided I want to. These pictures are of me, Friday night and today, just a few minutes ago. If I look upset, it is because I got this hickey against my will.
This is not a love bite, this is a mark from an asshole I was dancing with on Friday night in a DC club.
Here’s a recap of what happened:
This guy starts dancing on me from behind, I turn around and he doesn’t seem too threatening so I agree to dance with him. This is when he gets really touchy, like aggressively so, his hands roughing roaming over my body. While I wasn’t comfortable with this, I decided to let it happen. I guess that should have been a warning sign for me, but I didn’t pick up on it. I was trying to rock out to “Drunk in Love.”
Then he moves his face to my neck and at first I couldn’t tell that his mouth was on my neck. And then I felt a sharp twinge and realized he was biting me. At first I was in shock, so I didn’t do anything. Then I tried to push him away, but he had his arms locked around my torso. A few seconds later he let go and moved away.
I quickly turned around, to face my friends. They exclaimed that I had a hickey and I was still shocked, so I sort of just resumed dancing while my mind was completely blank.
The next part, to me, is the worst part of the experience.
He taps on me, I think it was my shoulder. I turn around, he tilts my chin up goes “Heyyyyy!!!!!” excitedly to his group of friends (who were watching us and must have seen the look of distress on my face at this time and before when he bit me). Despite this, they all celebrate with him. As if this asshole had just marked me as his sexual conquest or some shit. It felt awful. I can’t recall what I did, but I think I may have awkwardly smiled and then motioned to move away from them.
I am so upset that I didn’t do anything in the moment. I keep thinking back and wishing I had kicked him or at least told him off. But, I honestly didn’t realize how upset I was about it and how enraging the incident made me until I had left the club and had time to think without the sensory overload of strobe lights and booming music.
This is not okay. Agreeing to a dance is just that. Unless both parties agree, it should not move past this point. To all the men out there: you do not get to mark women because you consider them objects to be won. It doesn’t matter if they agreed to dance, date, or even have sex with you. WE ARE NOT SEXUAL OBJECTS.
I shouldn’t have to worry about sexual assault when I go out for a night of dancing and fun with my girl friends. You should learn some real respect for women’s autonomy. Not that faux “I always open doors for ladies!” respect. And to this jerk’s friends: I saw you watching. You should feel ashamed of not stepping in. You should be appalled at your self for celebrating with him.